You know you are in deep trouble when…

  1. You start scratching your butt and you realize it’s not there.
  2. You wake up and both your wife and mistress is holding your penis and a bloodied steak knife.
  3. You come to understand after losing your legs, that The Great White Shark is freaking huge up-close.
  4. You bring a goat, crack cocaine, and tomahawk along for your date, and waiting for you is NBC and Perverted Justice.
  5. You look in the mirror and you see Lindsay Lohan.
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